Broken Wings
by TamChronin
Summary: Out of the ashes of relationships past, new ones are formed. Ah, yes, another romance fic from me...but not like the others. T+T, Y+S
1. Of the Dark, Black Night

_Author's Note: This story starts out depressing. No, really. I'm sorry! It *will* get better. I promise. Pairings are Yue/Sakura and Touya/Tomoyo. Okay, okay, I'm giving a lot away just by saying that. ~sigh~ Can you trust me to make the story interesting enough to give away such vital info? _

This story was written under the instigation of L-chan, and I am forever grateful. Thank you! 

I do not own the characters, the settings, the magic, or the chapter titles in this story. Kudos to anyone who knows where the titles all came from! 

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**Broken Wings**

"Of the Dark, Black Night" 

In the end, Touya was left staring at Yukito with a cold, dark intensity that would have made him shiver even an hour before. Now though, Yukito simply matched it with a glare of his own and he wondered where he had found the strength to maintain it. He ended it with words that were designed to cut as deep as he had been cut, and he smiled as he said them. "I don't need you any more, Touya. Find someone else you can take care of, because I'm sick of it." 

"After all I've done for you, this is how you repay me?" 

Yukito's reply came from deep within him, the place he had come to recognize as his true self. These words came from Yue, and were said with his dismissive tone. "I repay you by keeping Sakura safe. If you wanted more you should have made a more comprehensive contract." 

Touya was beyond words, eyes wide and stunned as if he had been punched in the gut. No physical blow could have hit harder. "Kaho used me less harshly...and more honestly." 

The fight died between them, suddenly. Lines had finally been crossed. Words that neither had dared say before had been exchanged, and they both knew there was no turning back from this point. It was irreparable, and they both knew it. In their hearts they said a silent goodbye for what had once been a deep love, but thinking of what it had become kept their tongues silent from apology. It should have been over long before. 

"Get out, Kinomoto," he spat. "I never want to see you again." Yukito held back the tears, but only just. He turned his back on Touya and waited. 

"I'd rather see Akizuki," came the hissed reply, followed by the slam of the door. 

Only then could Yukito mourn for what had been and what would never be again. 

~~~~~@~~~~~ 

Sakura was bent over her homework, scowling as the numbers on the page seemed to all blur together. A knock at the door gave her an excuse to drop it, with a half-hearted thought of returning to it later. She threw the door open enthusiastically, smiling happily at whoever had saved her from her terrible fate. 

Yukito stood there, looking dazed. 

"Y-Yukito-san?" She had never seen a look on his face like that before. He didn't answer, he just walked into the room like a puppet on strings, and when the door closed behind him those strings were cut. She was faced suddenly with the form of her moon guardian, Yue, with an expression on his face of pure anguish. "Yue-san! What's wrong?" 

He didn't answer. He fought for control, blinking rapidly, holding back the tears with the force of his will as she guided him to sit down at the edge of her bed. He was breathing deeply in an exact rhythm that told Sakura he was obviously focusing on that one thing to keep from thinking of whatever was causing him pain. "I can't. Not yet." He shook his head slowly, begging her with his eyes to not ask about it. 

Sakura nearly panicked, wondering what could bring Yue to this point. The only time she had known him to be so upset was when she had finally been able to get him to open up and talk about Clow. Reliving that loss had brought her stoic moon guardian to tears like this. She couldn't imagine anything else causing him such pain...unless-- 

No. Sakura closed her eyes, checking every person she loved quickly, making sure that they were alive. No one was missing, no one was damaged, and more than that she would not check out of respect for everyone's privacy. 

She wrapped her arms around Yue, holding his head to her chest in what she hoped would be a motherly manner, and stroked his long hair. She had never imagined being a comfort to her distant guardian in this way, but now it came naturally. It felt right to hold him like this. 

The phone rang. 

The temptation was strong to just ignore it and continue offering comfort. Yue had started to relax before the phone rang, but the sound made him stiffen in surprise. He pulled away, remembering himself and his distant demeanor. It was with a sad sigh that she stood and picked up the phone, vowing internally to not let things stay there once the phone conversation was complete. 

"Sakura-chan, daijobu?" The voice was unmistakably Eriol, and the concern in his voice was soothing. 

"I'm fine," she answered softly, looking across the room at where Yue was curled up around himself. He didn't even look up at her, so she kept her attention trained on the phone call. 

"I was worried because I could feel you checking to be sure everyone was safe. You seemed worried." 

She paused, wondering what to answer. Her worry had given much more energy and presence to her questing than strictly necessary. She shouldn't have been surprised that someone would have noticed. 

"It's nothing to worry about," she said as casually as she could, cursing herself for worrying people even half way around the world. Syaoran would probably be calling next, and he'd be frantic.... 

As if he were reading her thoughts, Eriol said, "I'll tell Syaoran-kun that all is well. He insisted that I call you right away when--" 

"What? He's there with you?" Even as she asked, she could hear his voice in the background. 

"You didn't know?" Eriol sounded surprised...and a little concerned. A hurried conversation took place in rapid English, leaving Sakura in the dust. She heard a few words she recognized, but not enough to understand what they were saying. "Hold on, please," was the only warning she got before she heard the phone changing hands. 

"Sakura?" 

Her heart leapt into her throat, making it hard to speak at first. She hadn't heard from him in years. "Syaoran!" 

There was a very long pause, sapping the energy she had been bubbling with at hearing his voice again. "Syaoran, what's wrong?" 

She could almost see his reaction before he uttered a sound. Shock, a scowl, and-- "What makes you think something is wrong?" 

"We haven't talked in a very long time, but I still know you very well, don't I?" 

"Aa," he uttered softly. "I suppose you do. I'm sorry it's been so long, but Mother insisted I keep to my training without distractions." 

This confused Sakura. "I thought Eriol called from his home...you're both in Hong Kong?" 

"No. Eriol has been teaching me Western magic--" 

His voice went on, but Sakura stopped listening. When Syaoran had said Eriol's name there had been something to it...something she had once heard in his voice when he said her own name. She couldn't describe it, but she knew it was there. She wondered for a moment if he was aware of it himself, but as he kept talking she realized he must. He finally wound down and she knew for sure. "Sakura, I've been wanting to talk to you. I have something important to say." 

"You're not coming back to Tomoeda." She said it with finality, knowing the answer as surely as she knew her name was Sakura and she was the Mistress of the Cards. It was indisputable fact. 

"Yes, but how--" 

"I told you, I know you Syaoran." She fought to keep her voice light, but tears were already beginning to prick at the corners of her eyes. Some rapid blinking worked to keep them under control at first. "You're in love though, aren't you?" 

She could feel him blushing at her words. He stuttered and stammered and tried to deny it, but she could tell. He finally, after an agonizingly long time, said, "Maybe. I don't know. Sakura, I--" 

"It's okay," she said softly. Her tears were flowing down her face, but she kept her voice steady and kept a smile on her face. "I release you. I just want to be happy." 

They were both silent, but Sakura knew that the conversation wasn't quite finished yet. He could deny it at any time...tell her that he wouldn't return simply because he wanted to fly her to him when it was time...he could say any number of things to make it all better. He was quiet. He was quiet so long that it was becoming painful for Sakura to hold in the sobs that threatened to rob her of control. 

What he finally said was the most painful thing she thought she'd ever hear. 

The words were so quiet, so softly said with his rich, velvety voice. "Thank you, Sakura." 

As one they hung up the phones, unable to add anything else. 

A detached numbness settled over her even as more tears slid silently down her face. Her chin quivered, but she fought to keep her breathing steady. It was done. Her happy ending had ended. The fairy tale shattered around her. She forgot entirely that she wasn't alone in her room as her mind blanked from overload. This wasn't supposed to happen. Not after...not after... 

They had fought so hard to be together in the first place! Yet, the years had stolen what the Void card could not. At that moment, when he had finally, finally smiled at her and the world had returned she thought her future was assured, set in stone. There was no room for breaking up. Something so mundane should not have touched them. 

An irrational fit of anger rose up in her. This was Yue's fault! If he hadn't come into her room, hurting so badly, she would never have probed, would never have called attention to herself, and Syaoran would never-- 

But she looked across the room, remembering that Yue was still there. She looked into his shocked eyes and couldn't blame him for what happened. She couldn't feel anything at all like that toward him because a sudden flash of empathy told her exactly what he was going through. They had both lost their most important person this night. There had been no catastrophes except the ones they had brought upon themselves, in one way or another. 

She wasn't aware of walking back across the room to sit by Yue's side. She was just suddenly there, in his arms, and they both cried their silent, bitter tears. No words were exchanged. No words were needed. They were two souls in agony, using the other to hold back the emotional abyss gaping beneath them. 

~~~~~@~~~~~ 

Touya walked for a long time, dazed and hurting more than he could say. He could return to his tiny, one-room apartment, but he couldn't stand the thought of being alone. He'd never spent much time in that place anyway. It had never been a haven, it had been a place where Touya stored his things and occasionally slept. It was worth paying for to keep around, but it had never felt like home. 

He supposed he'd have to get used to the idea that it was home now. He couldn't go back to Yuki. That was over. 

He absently kicked a pile of leaves at the side of the path. He knew that it had been building like this between them for a while. Indifference building a chasm between them, occasionally breached by a bout of passion that was as likely to be a fight as it was a kiss--or more. They had grown accustomed to each other, and that is why it took them so long to reach this point. Nothing else. 

Touya felt a thrill of fear for the great unknown he now faced, but overshadowing that was relief. It was over. The familiar litany shared by those in a relationship would no longer wear at him. They were words that had been said so many times that even "I love you" had begun to wear thin. Or, maybe it had been the first to go. 

He found himself passing through the dimly lit park on a whim. At this time of night there would be no one to see him, to challenge his expression and act out any concern. He could just mope anonymously in the dark and easily shift his expression to a more neutral set long before anyone could see him that well. It sounded like a perfect plan to Touya, so he slowed his pace to a near crawl and replayed the last few months over and over in his mind until he was sick and tired of Yukito's smug and condescending fake little smile and patently false "oblivious" attitude. 

Or, that's what he tried to convince himself it was. It was nice to think that he could flip a switch and hate Yuki. It fit in with how he thought relationships should work after they were ended. It had almost worked a decade ago with Kaho. Before she had returned he had built up plenty of anger and resentment toward her, and almost convinced himself he could actually hate her. 

Maybe he just knew better now. 

His contemplation was cut short as he passed the playground. A young woman was sitting on the swings, swaying ever-so-slightly. He almost turned right around to give her the privacy she had obviously sought by coming here at this time of night, but as soon as his back was turned he realized he recognized her. He began walking toward her again, trying to puzzle out who this young woman could be. Why did she seem so familiar? 

She began humming a familiar tune and the sound caught on the wind, carried directly to his ear. It was a sad, melancholy song that his mother used to sing, and so it was dear to his heart. He had forgotten most of the lyrics, but he walked closer to try to hear the whole thing. Touya was as silent as he could be, straining to hear and not wanting to interrupt. 

He found himself standing almost directly behind her, humming softly in response as she began to sing. She was clutching paper to her chest, looking downward, and still swaying on the swing. The sense of familiarity was strong now, and he couldn't figure out why he hadn't immediately known who this was. 

"Konban wa, Daidouji-san." 

She jumped, breathing sharply as if to scream. The breath came out in a rush when she turned and saw that he wasn't a threat. "Kinomoto-san, you scared me!" 

"I'm sorry," he said softly, grinning at her. "I was walking quietly so that I could hear what you were singing, and I didn't realize you hadn't seen me." He immediately wanted to hit himself for that--of course she hadn't seen him, he had been behind her! "You don't have to be so formal with me, we've known each other for years. Call me Touya," he instructed, trying to change the subject before she pointed out the obvious. 

She giggled immediately. "You started it." 

Touya played back the conversation and again had the urge to inflict self-injury. Instead he moved over to the swing next to her and sat down. "So I did," he admitted, slapping himself in the forehead with the heel of his hand. "I suppose we both know better now?" 

The smile she wore lit up her eyes. "Yes." 

There was a lull in the conversation, neither of them familiar enough with the other to know what to really say. Touya's eyes fell on her hands, still clutching at papers she held to her breast protectively. "What do you have there?" 

"Love letter," she blushed, shoving it quickly into her purse. 

"You have an admirer?" 

"No. I wrote it." 

"Oh, I didn't realize you had a boyfriend." 

"I don't," she admitted softly, not meeting Touya's eyes. "There is one person that I write letters to on a regular basis, and I always write twice as many as I receive. First I write to send my undying love and devotion, and then I hide that letter. Next I write a rational reply to his letter, and that is the one I send." 

They were both silent for a few moments. Touya just didn't know what to say to that. It wasn't his place to judge, but whoever she was writing to was missing out on something very special. He opened his mouth to say so, but she spoke first. 

"You probably think I'm pathetic, that I'm a silly little girl for not being able to say something like this. You'd be right of course--but I can't tell him how I feel. He'd never return my feelings. I think that's why I fell for him." 

"What? Why would you fall for someone if--" 

"Because it's safer to love someone who won't love you back." Tears slid down her cheeks, and she quickly swiped them away. "If you know it's hopeless from the start, then you never have to have your hopes crushed. There aren't any sleepless nights, wondering if you'll be hurt, and no terrifying days where you'll wonder if you're going to hurt the one you love. And...as long as they're happy...it doesn't matter who causes that happiness...because...because..." 

"Because the one you love is happy," Touya finished in a low voice, almost choking on the words. 

She nodded, almost violently. 

Touya fished out a handkerchief, thrusting it at her angrily. That was the worst thing he had ever heard, and whoever had told her that should be shot. Didn't she deserve happiness of her own? She obviously *wasn't* happy with seeing this guy happy with someone else. He wondered if she thought she was being selfish for wanting to be loved. 

"If that were true, the human race would have died out a long time ago," he growled. 

She blinked up at him, obviously startled. 

"T-Touya-san?" 

"There's nothing wrong with wanting to be loved in return, okay?" He stood suddenly and began to walk away. 

She gasped. "How did you--how did you know?" There was hurt and shock in her voice, and he could almost see the wide-eyed stare she gave him, but he didn't turn back. He just kept walking, unable to face her. 

He was too busy trying to figure out why he was so angry. What she said shouldn't have pushed him one way or another. She was practically a stranger, so her messed up views on love shouldn't bother him at all. Tomoyo was just his little sister's friend. That's all. 

So, what was it she had said that had hit so close to home? 

"Because it's safer to love someone who won't love you back." 

"There aren't any sleepless nights, wondering if you'll be hurt, and no terrifying days where you'll wonder if you're going to hurt the one you love." 

He remembered the fight he had with Yuki, all of it coming back with vivid clarity. He had hurt the one he loved. He had been hurt. And this little girl was telling him that it all wasn't worth it at all. 

She was right. 

This much pain, this much anger and humiliation, it wasn't worth it. He had given everything for someone who had just thrown it all back in his face. But she was also dead wrong. It was only safer to love someone who couldn't love you back if they never knew. 

That was the solution. 

To love from afar and never show it again. 

He could do that, right? He had done it for years, loving his best friend from afar, never letting on.... 

But it didn't work. 

Tomoyo was proof that it wouldn't work. 

The only solution was to never love again. 

And yet...he remembered his mother and father, when he was young and she was still alive, telling their little boy about how they had met and fallen in love. He had said they were silly for falling in love with each other when her family wouldn't like him. His mother had said simply, "You can't help who you fall in love with." 

She was right. 

Of course she was right. 

Touya balled his fists and threw a punch at a nearby tree. 

There was no solution. The only answer was that this was hopeless. He was doomed to feel this pain over and over again. 

He hit the tree again. And again. And again. He found himself pummeling it, doing no damage except to lose pieces of bark and to his own hands. He didn't care. It felt good to just get it all out. He even landed a few kicks on the solid trunk before the anger drained from him and he just felt silly. Here he was, a grown man, throwing punches at a helpless tree in the middle of a haunted park at night. He laughed. Even when he looked at his raw and bloodied knuckles he laughed, seeing the ridiculous in everything. 

With a jaunty whistle he began the trek home. He'd clean the cuts and try his best to bandage them. He had aspirin, and that would help with the pain he'd be feeling when the adrenalin wore off. 

For now though, this was the best he had felt in a long time. 


	2. These Sunken Eyes

_Author's Note: I can not apologize enough for taking so long on this fic. My prime instigator stopped IMing me though, and other people begged me for other things. So, L-chan and others who love this story, you should really thank Silent Seraphim for pestering me in L-chan's stead the last couple of weeks. Thank you! _

Thank you to everyone who reviewed or sent me a kind note saying they loved this story despite my lack of an update. I sincerely hope that the next one will come a lot sooner, and with a little more plot development. ~laughs~ Thank you as always for your patience. 

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_**Broken Wings** _

"These Sunken Eyes" 

Dawn came too early for Sakura. Her eyes were red and scratchy, her head was pounding, and her mouth felt dry. Her neck was stiff from sleeping in a sitting position, and she itched from wearing her clothes all night. 

Her arms were still wrapped protectively around Yue, and at some point in the night Kero had returned and fallen asleep draped across their laps in his full form. Sakura wiggled her toes cautiously, and winced as blood started flowing to her extremities again. The pins and needles sensation in her feet made her gasp slightly, and that was enough to wake her guardians. 

Kero yawned hugely, blinking a few times and stretching in that unique way which only very large felines could. He made a big show of it, pulling attention to himself as he grumbled and shifted off of the other two. Sakura began to rub her legs vigorously, steeling herself against the inevitable pain by reminding herself that it would be over soon. An intense wave of discomfort rushed through her legs as the numbness was displaced, then she started to feel somewhat like herself again. 

Kero transformed to his false form, hovering before Sakura's face with a pleased look. "Aaah, I haven't slept that good since the old days with Clow," he announced happily. Sakura absently patted the top of his head, smiling. 

She stood up carefully, feeling the aches in her neck and shoulders acutely now that she was on her feet. Her legs felt a little weak still, but they would do. Her heart--there was a dull empty ache in the center of her chest, but her smile still rose to her face automatically. She would face this day. No one would know the depth of her pain or loss. She had faced heartbreak before. She had faced loss. She smiled when she had to and cried when she could, and did her best not to mix the two up when the occasion arose. 

"Good morning, Yue-san!" 

He blinked at her, but maintained his air of miserable silence. She stared at him expectantly. He finally gave in. "Good morning, mistress." 

"Sa-ku-ra," she spelled out with a grin. "I've been telling you for years, but as of this morning I must insist. It wouldn't do to have you be so formal after we slept together." 

Sakura's teasing grin took on manic proportions. Kero chuckled from across the room, waiting. Yue looked mortified. 

"I didn't--we didn't, you can't mean...." 

Sakura laughed lightly, hoping that the sound would pull him from his depression if her joking couldn't. "It's a harmless joke. It's not even a bad joke compared to what some of the girls at the university say." 

"I just didn't expect to hear you say such a thing," Yue said softly, looking away. 

Sakura felt a frown threaten her self-control, so she chose to ignore the comment. "Yue-san, it's morning. Yukito-san has to get ready for work." 

He stood gracefully, but paused a moment. Sakura looked at him expectantly, and he began the transformation. His eyes were so sad and hesitant that Sakura almost told him to stop, almost asked him to stay, but she waited. Moments later Yukito was blinking wildly, looking out the window with a confused look on his face. The confusion was swept away while Sakura watched, and the usual smile was placed with care upon his lips. His eyes looked slightly drawn, but they wore the same mask of a smile as always. 

It was haunting how well he erased all traces of pain. 

"Good morning, Yukito-san." 

"I'm not going to work today, Sakura-chan." 

She blinked in confusion. "What?" 

"I said, I'm not going to work. I really don't feel up to it. Touya will be there, and I don't think I'm ready to face him like that." 

He kept his tone even and his smile impeccably in place. Sakura opened her mouth to say something, but just as quickly shut it. It wasn't as if she could make him go after all. She really couldn't blame him. After all, the last thing she wanted to do was go to school. 

"What will you do instead?" she asked hesitantly. 

"I'm not sure." He had that lost look in his eyes again, just like last night, and Sakura realized she was more worried about him than anything else. Her own pain melted to the side when she thought about being able to be there for him. "I thought about going home and just thinking, but everything there reminds me of him. That's why I came here last night, I think." His voice was so soft and uncertain, unlike the usual façade he usually kept up. 

It was just the opposite for Sakura, she realized. There wasn't enough here to remind her of Syaoran. There were empty spaces she'd always wanted to fill with things that were from him, but even the drawer full of letters told the sad story. A great majority of them had been written years ago, when they were children. They were awkward but sweet, full of the words that they both somehow assumed people in love should exchange. How real had that been? There were a few letters, one for every month of the year, while they were teenagers. He'd had to start sneaking away to write and mail these letters, and among the increasingly flowery words had been doubt and resentment. The letters began to decrease from once a month to once every other month. Then, they became even more rare. The last one had been six months ago, and it hadn't said much of anything. He was being sent away for training, it had said, but he was going to try to get a way out of that if possible. He would come see her this time, for sure. It was just a matter of time.... 

"Maybe you should rearrange everything. Your house has been the same since we met, so maybe it's time to change things." 

Yukito looked skeptical. "How would that help?" 

Sakura smiled in triumph. "First, it would give you something to do so you won't dwell on feeling bad. Second, you can use it as a way of putting the past behind you. Third, it will stop reminding you of the same things over and over every time you come home. Fourth," she began, and then stopped shyly. 

"Fourth?" 

"It will give me an excuse not to go to school?" she asked, hopefully. "Please let me help you." 

He laughed at first, shaking his head. "I couldn't--" 

"You aren't! Going to classes today would be a waste of time for me and for my teachers. I won't be able to concentrate, I'll dwell on that stupid phone call and everything I did wrong, and there's no way I'll manage to learn anything with all that going on in my mind." 

"I'm sure you'll be fine," he ventured kindly. 

"No, I'm sure I won't be." She bowed her head--the last time she'd had her heart broken, it was by this person right here. When Yukito had turned her down, even as gently as he had, she'd been devastated by it. "I will act like I'm fine, and I will be able to fool everyone, but I'll find myself drifting off into lonely thoughts, and dwelling on how much it hurts. I won't hear a word that is spoken, even after everyone is dismissed. I might sit there even after everyone is gone so I can cry for a moment alone, and then I will put on my brave face again and smile. It will hurt inside though, and I'll be lonely no matter where I am." 

Silence descended between them, filling the room so completely that Sakura jumped when she felt a small paw pat her gently on the shoulder. Kero hovered next to her, looking concerned. He'd been so uncharacteristically silent that she'd forgotten he hadn't flown into another room for pancakes or something. 

"I say let's go clean up the Snow Rabbit's house and rearrange everything," Kero finally said, enthusiastically. "School, work, all those things can wait until tomorrow! Today we'll just have fun!" Sakura and Yukito immediately picked up on the sun guardian's enthusiasm, at least outwardly. "It will be like old times, with Clow." 

Sakura refused to react to Kero's last murmured words, though she noted that Yukito's eyes flashed silver for a moment and he stiffened slightly. Just what they needed, more reminders of painful things. She sighed slightly and took Yukito's hand. "Wait for me in the hall while I get dressed." She was still wearing her clothes from last night. "We'll get a huge breakfast and get busy." 

~~~~~@~~~~~ 

"I can't do it, Yue." Yukito waited alone in the hall as Sakura had requested. He whispered softly out loud, letting the pain wash over and through him only now that no one else could see it. "Make it stop, please." 

_The Mistress--Sakura is right. We'll let go of all the painful memories, we'll change everything today, and you can move on with your life._

"Touya was my life. He is the first thing I remember, you made sure of that." 

_No...that was Clow's doing._

"It doesn't matter who--" he broke off, realizing he'd raised his voice too loud. Someone might hear him. "Touya has been everything to me. And...you don't need me anymore. You only remained separate from me all this time because you wanted to stay loyal to the one you loved. Without Touya you don't have to worry about--" 

_I'll not hear another word of this,_ Yue's silent voice was glacially cold, and even Yukito was loath to continue after hearing that. _In time it will heal. In time you will come to accept your life without Touya._

"The way you've come to accept life without Clow?" 

There was no reply, in either words or emotions. None was needed. They both knew full well that Yue still suffered that loss, clinging to it almost like a lifeline; a link to a past that he never wanted to forget or be without. A link to a past he never wanted to admit he would never see the likes of again. 

_We could go back,_ Yue started. _You could give him another chance._

A sick feeling rose from the pit of Yukito's stomach and lodged in his throat. "Never." 

Sakura opened her door, and everything was left unresolved. Yukito smiled at her, though the smile cut him like broken glass. He smiled because that's what he always did. Even today, no one would tell the difference--the only one who had ever bothered to try was beyond his orbit now. 

"Shall we go?" 

"Yes." 

~~~~~@~~~~~ 

Touya started with a box. He filled it without looking, without caring if anything broke. Nothing did, but he was careless anyway and almost hoped to hear a satisfying crunch. His stereo was on as loud as he dared, and he lost himself in the music that tore through him, tearing his soul anew, one last time. He drowned in the music, and vowed he would snap the CD in two when he was through with it. This was the soundtrack of his misery, and he wallowed in it. 

"It's his fault," he growled without realizing. "Yue's fault. Yuki would never do this to me, but Yue--" 

His hands clenched into fists. No, Touya had to admit that that Yue probably didn't care either way. He never really had, he's just stayed in the background and did his best to stay invisible whenever Touya was around. If anyone was to blame-- 

"It's me. I should apologize, I should...tell him..." Tell him what? He couldn't help being who he was. It seemed Yuki's biggest objection was being taken care of--what kind of stupid objection was that? He didn't smother Yuki. He didn't force the smaller man to do a damn thing, he-- 

"I don't even know what the hell I did wrong! It doesn't make sense at all." 

The next object he reached for was a photograph. It was professional quality, though a candid moment he'd never realized had been captured on film until it was given to him as a present. He was in his old high school uniform, reading a book with a small smile. It was taken under a tree, and he was side by side with Yuki. The photograph had been a favorite of his, and he couldn't bear to destroy it--but he couldn't stand to see it anymore either. It was a perfect picture of a time when things had been both simpler and more complex. All he had to worry about then was saving his best friend's life. That was back, before declarations of love and trying something new, different, and terrifying. 

An insane idea struck him suddenly. Daidouji--no, Tomoyo had been the one who had taken this picture. He carefully took it from the frame and looked at it again. He knew the thought was insane as soon as he had it. But, he looked at the picture, and he thought of talking to her last night, and his mind kept rolling along to the same conclusion. He couldn't destroy the picture; it was a work of art. He just didn't want to look at it like it was. 

He turned off the stereo. His hand hovered over the button, poised to turn it on again if his rational mind took hold again. He turned around and grabbed his keys, again hesitating to give himself a chance. He slipped his shoes on. He opened the door, and looked at the picture one more time. "She's going to think I'm crazy," he sighed. 

He closed the door behind him and kept walking. 


End file.
